A: Would you like fries with that?

Are you laughing? No, neither was I. For many arts graduates though, the harsh reality is that their course hasn’t given them any skills that will help get them “A Real Job”. As much as I loved my Arts degree and would highly recommend the course for the analytical and communication skills it gave me, I have to admit that as the course drew to a close and it was time to face the music of the real world, I wasn’t exactly bombarded with employment offers.

Is this really what you studied for three years for?

The truth is that an Arts degree was never intended to give you specific workplace skills. It’s a ‘thinking and expressing’ degree; it helps you to engage with big ideas, events, concepts, movements, policies and philosophies. You’ll be able to write about life, discuss the way people think and how the world works, as well as being able to reference everyone who ever added their two cents worth to the discussion. But do future employers care that you can do this? Um, no. Not really, no. No they don’t.

Any Arts faculty will be eager to tell you that a graduate qualification in general is a great way to kick-start your career. They’ll point out that graduates have higher levels of employment than say, someone without a degree. This is all well and good, but unless you’re happy to have a better chance of getting the waitressing job than the chick who didn’t go to uni, you’ll need to bring a little more to the table. There’s nothing wrong with being a barista of course, but if you’ve got your sights set on something else, you need to have a plan of action.

Now Showing: A Plan of Action (Starring You)

Welcome to the Plan Of Action, it’s essentially a glorified name for work experience and internships. Do you like it? It has a bit more of an edge, doesn’t it?… kind of like you’re undertaking an adventure.  Try to keep thinking of it as an adventure if you can; it will help you stay positive during those early days of work experience when all you do is fetch people their coffees. So, your adventure (POA) runs from the start of your first year, right through to the graduation finish line. Let’s break the plan down:

Research

Do some research on what sort of job you’d like to have or what sort of companies you’d like to work for. What sorts of specific skills do these jobs have? Do you want to work in the private or government sector? Do you want to stay in the city or move to the country or overseas? Do you want to work from home, or be your own boss or go into the CBD in a suit every day? This part of the plan should be a breeze. I mean, come on, you’re an Arts student – research is what being an Arts student is all about! If you need a little bit of help getting started, consider strolling over to your university’s careers centre. There are staff there who can chat to you about your areas of interest, what kind of jobs you could go into with your future major and where to find more information (like at the careers fairs that the unis hold). Another option is to go to a private careers consultant. This option is more comprehensive and the consultant will invest more effort into helping you come consolidate your ideas. You can also scrawl the careers sections of newspapers and websites to familiarise yourself with the kinds of jobs on offer and get to know some companies. Odds are that you will know someone (or know someone who knows someone) that is working in the field you want to end up in. Invite them out for a coffee and use the experience to pick their brains. They will probably end up paying for the coffee too so it’s seriously a win-win thing to do.

Now we’re getting somewhere!

Attack

When you’re talking Arts, nine times out of ten your dream internship is not going to be advertised. A lot of companies aren’t actively looking to take on students, but they will consider organizing an extra desk space if the right person comes along. To be sure that ‘right person’ is you, you need to stand out from the crowd. Take a look at your resume and make sure the information provided is relevant and that you have gotten rid of your cutiepie@hotmail.com email address and replace it with something a little more grown up and a lot less, you know, lame. Try to find out the name of someone in the company to address your letter to and have someone you trust read over your cover letter. In this all important cover letter, you should introduce yourself, why you want to work for said company, what you want to get out of it and what you would bring to the table. A nice touch can be to (again) ask to buy them a cup of coffee so that you can hear about how your contact got his/her job and what the day-to-day work actually entails. It’s also well worth your time to get involved on campus with lower scale work projects that give you a chance to develop your leadership and management skills. Employers love that stuff; it makes you seem like a go-getter, because you are.

Work, Rest, Play

Balance is the key my friend. But that’s not to say you should slack off. You get so many uni holidays that it’s crazy not to dedicate some of that time to gaining work experience. When you do secure your internships, be prepared to start from the bottom up. Smile and chat to everyone and pretty soon they’ll be letting you contribute, teach you new skills and give you a killer reference at the end of the day. Goodbye fast food joint. Hello dream job.

Don't give up your dreams

Still, there are some people out there (you know who you are) who choose to stick around after all their classes finish. They might not admit it, but only out of fear of others discovering they have no social life.

No social life.

Let’s say, god forbid, you are one of these people. Or maybe you can imagine yourself becoming one of these people. If so, you should be aware that there some things that give your game away instantly, like:

You ask a girl out… for lunch on campus.

This is a big no-no anyway you look at it. Sure, it might seem convenient, but such a move definitely won’t score any points with her. The point of a first date should be that both parties learn something new about each other. That can’t happen if you’re in an environment that you share together every day, and that you’re probably sick of.

Not to mention, having to listen to a group of engineering students at the table next to you crack up jokes about ‘hard members’ is hardly romantic.

Beams are also called members? Truly a pot of comedic gold.

You order Dominos when you’re looking for something healthier than what is offered at your Uni canteen.

If you were to ask them, Universities would tell you that they try to cater for the tastes of all masses, while ensuring their food is healthy and fresh.

And I am Superman.

I may be too harsh. Admittedly, there is usually something healthy on the menu, like sandwiches and wraps. Instead of being affordable, such food is often overpriced and rarely fresh (if by fresh we mean made on premises. Sandwiches and other easily spoiled food are often imported from wholesalers).

Perhaps because students are ridiculously broke and with a mounting debt, the more unhealthy and often cheaper choices are popular.What food is this? Chips, spring rolls, meat pies, sausage rolls. All four are high in fat and calories. Good for your energy levels, bad for your heart. Unless your heart enjoys taking a beating from a dietary equivalent of Chuck Norris.

No wonder than that students often choose their nearest food place/supermarket when looking for food that is more affordable and (very rarely) more healthy. $4.95 traditional large pizzas from Dominos with an online coupon vs $3.60 for a small cup of chips? I think I know what I’d choose.

You engage in one too many extracurricular activities.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s great to be active. Staying fit and exercising can be a great way to de-stress.

Or, you could make a dart board out of Kyle Sandiland’s face. Hitting the eyes scores 50 points.

But, there comes a point when you’ve joined one too many clubs, one too many unions, attended one too many fairs, and spent one too many hours doing volunteering work for the University gardens.

Spending too much time on campus limits your chances of meeting other people. When you get a job, you will have to work with people from all over the world, younger and older than you. Team sports is a great example of an activity that is both fun and educational, as it forces you to work with others.

No matter where your interests and skills lie, there are opportunities out there. And though your campus may be convenient, don’t forget about the clubs located close to where you live.

You look forward to going to Uni. Or even worse, you fall in love with Uni.

There is a difference between enjoying what you study and enjoying attending University. You should like your course and enjoy the material, true, but you should not get too attached to the campus grounds.

You may have heard of those students who get so attached to the student lifestyle that they never leave. Students for life, they’re called. These people never get a job, and probably never leave their parent’s basement.

Your parent’s basement. Another place you shouldn’t invite a girl to.

By all means, have fun and enjoy your time at the tertiary institution of your choice. Never forget, though, that it is only a stepping stone for something bigger and better.

Lesson #1: Have a dvd series on stand-by

When I first moved to Melbourne, I was thrown into the deep end of the unknown in the form of a jail cell-like room in a private college filled with strange people. The sight of my mum waving goodbye was excruciatingly frightening so I decided to attempt to make friends with other students. After psyching myself up to make my way through the throng of people, I bravely stepped into the communal lounge room.

No one acknowledged my existence.

I cannot tell you the sheer despair I felt at that moment. The following day I dragged my sorry soul to Myer and purchased the first season of Charmed believing that I would simply become a hermit with vast quantities of knowledge of popular culture. I didn’t even get to the third disc. On my second evening I tried my luck at establishing a social life once more. Happily, a friendly Mexican exchange student, Juan, was quick to approach me and it wasn’t long before we were cooking together and comforting each other through random flairs of homesickness.

You'll miss mum's cooking

Lesson #2: Clubs are your ticket to an improved social life (that’s right, throw the high school cool book away!)

Getting out and about is of utmost importance for all students who have to move away from their home towns to begin tertiary studies. As hard as it is to put yourself in the face of strangers, it is the only way you can begin to feel at home. Don’t sit back when classes start, ask the person sitting next to you if they’d like to have coffee after the lecture. Joining university clubs is by far the easiest way to meet people who share your interest and I would highly recommend staying at a college if you can afford it. Although they can be noisy and messy to the point of unhygienic, they are also a fantastic way to meet many people from many different places and students often make friends to rent with after the first year.

Lesson #3: Orienteering

Do you still see the same doctor who delivered you at birth? Did the lady at the supermarket go to school with your mum? Does your main source of entertainment come from the domestic arguments floating over your next-door-neighbour’s back fence? If you answered yes to any of these questions, chances are you are going to be overwhelmed by the utter enormity of suburbia. Get to know your way around as soon as you arrive. There is nothing worse than getting sick and having no idea where the nearest doctor is. Find out where you can buy groceries, see a movie, purchase greasy hang-over cures and fill up your car.

Explore - the city is your playground

Lesson #4: Taxi drivers WILL rip you off

Not knowing your way around can be extremely hazardous when in the company of stingy taxi drivers. They have a sixth sense for disorientation (and not just the kind caused by alcohol) and will take advantage of your naivety. Even if you can’t remember every road in the city, at least have a quick look at the shortest route from wherever you are going out back to your new home. Unless you are stuck in peak hour traffic, taxis fares are usually calculated by the distance of your journey. So if you are unaware of your own whereabouts you may find you are taken on a scenic route several kilometres longer the quickest way home.

Another important tip, especially for young women, is that not all taxi drivers stop you taking advantage of you financially. We all hear the horror stories about women being taken down dark one-way streets and back-alleys but we always assume it will never happen to us. It can. The easiest way to show your driver that you mean business is casually mention their taxi registration sticker (if there’s not one in the front passenger window, do not enter the vehicle!) and ask where their depot is and sit in the back seat if you are alone. This lets the driver know that you have taken note of their registration number and gives you an easier escape route if you need to disembark at any stage.

If your taxi journey is only going to take a minute or two, you may find you are rejected by countless drivers. It is illegal to refuse a fare but they will still do it. You are better off telling them you live in a suburb far away but in the vague direction you need to go then pretending to get a text message and “changing you mind” about the destination.

Although the prospect of moving from a tiny country town to a large metropolis can seem daunting, there are many benefits of urban life. You appreciate the availability of trains and buses, not to mention the fact that you can buy coffee at any time of day and shops are open past two o’clock on Saturday AND Sunday! There are countless parks and gardens to regain your affiliation with nature and if the concrete and smog gets too much, at least you have a convenient escape venue back at home.

High school ...

Welcome to university.

Here, if you miss five minutes of a lecture, you’re probably grabbing a snack or walking from your previous class. Maybe you’ve even woken up a bit late and are casually on the tram to uni. Whatever the case, there’s no teacher sitting there awaiting your arrival… chances are your lecturer probably doesn’t even know your name, let alone whether you’re in class or not.

Tutorials are a slightly different story, however, as most of these are attendance based. Unless, of course, you are a Commerce student, in which case, you lucky duck your tutorials aren’t even compulsory! I know what you’re all thinking… woo! I don’t even have to go to any classes! Yes, although this is technically true, it’s not highly advised upon.

My first year I discovered just such a delight of not having to go to classes only to be slapped in the face come exam time because I knew nothing. All those hours I spent joyously lying on the lawn or hanging out in the local pub, my lecturer spent telling everyone valuable facts for the exam.

Lounging on the grass

Damn.

Sure, I crammed here and there for the occasional assignment, let’s face it, Arts students don’t get much homework, BUT I soon learnt the hard way that it is a LOT easier just to go to those few short hours during semester to be prepared for the exam.

Even if you think going to a couple of lectures a week or so before the exam will help, wrong. Lecturers give you valuable information all throughout the semester so it is important to attend as many lectures as you can.

However, if for some reason you are unable to attend a lecture, most of the lecture slides/notes and even the recordings can be found online. Those online recordings will be lifesavers. Although while sitting in the lectures you are ferociously scribbling away notes, there will always be those few points you either can’t get down or just don’t hear properly.

The lecture slides will hopefully become available online the day before your lecture and I strongly recommend that you print these out and take them with you as it is much easier to annotate next to the slides than try to write out every word that is on the screen. I also strongly recommend highlighting important points on the slides and tabbing anything that you either don’t understand or simply want to go back to later.

If you do decide to travel down the road of not going to lectures, make sure you pay detailed attention in tutorials, do all of the required readings [and make notes] and, preferably, listen to the recordings of the lectures.

It is understandable if you don’t want to go to lectures, there are numerous reasons people choose not to. The most common, of course, is that it’ll be a nice sunny day outside and lying on the grass with your friends is a much better option to sitting in some lecture hall listening to a professor drone on about a subject you might not care that much for.

It is also possible that although it is a class that you find fascinating, you just can’t concentrate because, unfortunately, you have one of ‘those’ friends that can’t resist talking during every moment of a lecture. Yes, you could move and sit elsewhere, but let’s face it, who wants to sit alone when you could sit with your friends? In situations such as that, I would definitely recommend going home and listening to the online recording. In most cases, it is often easier to understand what is being said when listening to the recording later as you are doing it out of your own time, thus there is no one else around to distract you, and you are listening implicitly to every word your lecturer says.

Avoid this by listening to your lectures online

Essentially, take it from someone who has tried all the options and learnt the hard way, go to your lectures, make friends with people who don’t talk during class and keep detailed, dated notes. If you don’t go to class, listen to the lectures online and still make those detailed notes.

Sure, it can be fun and exciting to decide at the last minute not to go to class, but make sure you catch up on what you’ve missed because you will fall behind faster than you realise.

Uni toilets provide students with a rich source of entertainment, fun, a creative outlet and discussion board with fellow (but anonymous) students. Got some interesting news? What better way to voice it than to scrawl it along the walls that are exposed to thousands of others (try not to think about the germs).

This week, paramedics’ sirens screamed to The University of Melbourne after:

While at Sydney University students are supporting someone’s choice to get rid of her cheating scumbag of boyfriend and move on. Go girl!

Getting advice from girlfriends who share your pee seat (gross but true) is somehow liberalising, fun and – let’s face it – makes our time spent in these drab, high walled boxes a lot more interesting. I’m not condoning the grafting of private property (in other words, please don’t sue!), but uni culture does have an arty, slightly rebellious flair that is reflected well in university toilets. I’m not talking about your usual toilet graffiti that you see in those stenchy public toilets. You know the ones.  Their taps have been stolen, their toilet paper hasn’t been replaced in decades and bold text screams profanities and abuse as you try to hold the unlockable door shut with your foot and pee.

Don't worry, university toilets are a lot better than this

Uni toilets’ graffiti reflect common issues facing students – boyfriends, embracing your homosexuality, good bargains, sex, politics and even subject reviews. Students all experience similar torments and troubles, but sometimes it feels like you’re the only one in the world. A quick note on a toilet wall is likely to get the feedback and encouragement you need from others, just like you, to take action. “I think I’m in love with my best friend”, “Uni is harder than I thought L”, “I have a rash”, “I’ve never kissed a boy and am scared of my date on Saturday” and “Am I normal?” are all common themes scrawled across dunny doors. But it is not all Dr. Phil. Toilet cubicles are also a forum for politics, art and even academics.

Curious? Go on and take a peek. Once you’ve chosen the cleanest cubicle, closed the door and taken a seat you will be exposed to a different world. A world were anonymity is key, honestly is in full flight and the deepest darkest secrets are revealed.

So ladies, line the toilet seat with toilet-paper and treat yourself to a tale from the toilet walls.

When you handed it in, you did so with a smile and with enthusiasm because you were pretty near 100% sure that it will have be the greatest assignment they have ever read. Around comes collection date and you can’t wait to see what amazing grade you received.

Then, there it is.

That grade.

Not quite what you were expecting.

The disappointment starts to set in and you feel increasingly more de-motivated for future assessment. You start to doubt yourself and your academic ability and even wonder how you made it into university in the first place.

But never fear, it happens to all of us. Every student experiences that moment what you have put in SO much effort for an assignment and are certain that you will have gotten top grades, only to find that you didn’t get anywhere near the grade you thought you would.

Initially, you are confused by the poor mark and angry with yourself for not going better, but then you start to think, “What if I did deserve a better mark… what if my tutor marked me incorrectly?”

The best thing to do in a situation such as this is talk to you tutor. However, before you attempt this, it is really important that you read through the assignment again, carefully taking note of the tutor’s comments. This way, when they try to justify the grade that they have given you, you will be prepared to either contest it or agree with it. If once they have thoroughly explained the grade and you still strongly believe that you deserved to score better, it is not unreasonable for you to request the assignment to be cross-marked by a different tutor. The important thing is not to get angry or overly emotional and simply to treat the whole situation very maturely. If emotions come into it, the tutors are less likely to listen to you and take your requests seriously.

If for whatever reason your tutor refuses to listen to you or refuses to have the assessment cross-marked, or even if you are still unhappy with the assignment, there are Academic Skills Units located on campus that are readily at your disposal. The Academic Skills officers are there to help students with their assignments and they would be happy to read through any feedback your tutors have given you as well as your actual assessment.

They are always a useful resource as they’re a completely impartial body, which is solely there to help you achieve the best grades you can. Also, keep them in mind before you hand in your assignments, as it is always good to have a fresh pair of eyes read over your work before you hand it in. That, and they tend to have some pretty good tips to improve your writing, should it need so.

All in all, your first point of contact when receiving a grade less than what you were expecting, should be your tutor as they are the person who gave you said grade and they will best be able to explain it.

It is generally acknowledged that travelling east through time zones increases the severity of jetlag because it runs in direct opposition to one’s body clock (or circadian rhythm, if you prefer medical jargon). Unfortunately, given Australia’s position on the world map, it’s fairly likely that the majority of travellers will be approaching in an easterly direction. However, travelling west poses its own challenges; on a return trip from South America, I felt like I needed a maths degree to work out what day and time I would actually be making it back to Melbourne after crossing the International Date Line. Generally speaking, Australia is really not the easiest country to travel to.

As an international student, struggles with jetlag have become an all too familiar experience. In one particularly memorable return trip, I ended up arriving in Melbourne early on Monday morning – with class that very afternoon. Determined as I was to stay awake and soldier on, I attended not only my Monday’s afternoon lectures, but every class that I had that first week. In hindsight, I really shouldn’t have bothered. When it came to revising for my exams, attempting to comprehend what on earth I had been attempting to say in my first week was like attempting to garner some sense from a transcript of a George W. Bush speech. I ended up having to listen to all of my first week’s lectures again; I genuinely may as well have not been there the first time round.

While the point of this article is not to advocate skipping class, it is important to emphasise how debilitating jetlag can really be. And it’s not just a case of potential embarrassment at falling asleep in one of your first lectures; it can affect an individual’s emotional and mental wellbeing. Symptoms range from simple fatigue (which can be bad enough in itself) to memory lapses, impaired judgement, digestive upsets and periods of irritability or apathy. Taking some steps to help prevent and overcome jetlag could prove invaluable to aiding your sleep patterns and your subsequent ability to study, make decisions and not be a jerk to your mates.

Before travelling, get plenty of sleep. Sleep deficit before you travel will only make your jetlag worse – particularly important if you struggle to sleep on planes. If you’re one of those lucky sods who can either sleep anywhere or have managed to bag a seat in First or Business Class with the advantage of a flat-folding bed, try to adapt your sleep pattern to the time zone of the country that you will be arriving in. The best way to do that is generally to set your watch before your flight takes off.

While on the plane, stay hydrated. Drink lots of water (don’t be afraid to ask for more) and limit your alcohol and caffeine intake. As hard as it might be, resist the student inclination to seize the opportunity to knock back glass after glass of free booze! The hangover is not worth it and it can seriously screw up your body clock. Also, don’t stuff yourself with free food. Plane food is generally pretty poor quality and smaller, lighter meals are recommended for allowing the body to deal with travelling between time zones.

If you arrive at your destination in the morning, expose yourself to as much daylight as possible. Studies have shown that sunlight enables the traveller to reset their body clock since our circadian rhythm is determined by chemicals in the brain – particularly melatonin – that are activated by sunlight. Apparently, the stimulus to reset our body clock is through light entering the eyes. So, if you arrive feeling tired, fight the temptation to hole up inside with a DVD box set of Scrubs – your body will thank you for it.

If sunlight just isn’t cutting the mustard and you need to rely on caffeine to get you through your first day, avoid drinking it past the late afternoon. It can seriously inhibit your ability to sleep and there is nothing more miserable than lying wide awake in the early hours of the night counting down the hours before you have to get up for lectures or work the next day. If you’re self-medicating through caffeine, exercise some common sense!

If you struggle during your first few days of arriving, don’t panic. It’s perfectly normal to take anything from several days to several weeks to get your body clock fully back on track. A rough estimate is that it takes one day for every hour of a new time zone. Don’t push your body if you don’t have to and it will allow you to recover far more quickly. With a little bit of luck, you’ll end up not trawling through incomprehensible lecture notes, ostracising your friends, falling asleep at 3pm, forgetting your timetable or ending up dependent on caffeine for the rest of the semester. Did I mention jetlag can really suck?

#1 – Course Information

It seems obvious that university open days would provide you with information on your course.  What’s not obvious is just how much information they can provide.  You can pick up brochures on everything from accommodation to exchange – much easier than navigating through often not-so-user-friendly websites.

Most importantly though: you can talk to people in the know.  You can talk to advisors about whether the degree you plan to take will take you where you want to go, to academics about course content and students for the non-university-authorised version!  You can ask the questions you’ve always wanted to know the answer to, and the ones which weren’t answered on the website!

#2– Services Information

Not only does the academic side of the university give their pearls of wisdom to students on open day, so too do those who provide services to students.  You can find out about services such accommodation facilities and application procedures, health and wellbeing services and academic support services – just to name a few.

#3 – Feelings

It seems silly, but sometimes you know instantly whether a place is right for you or not as soon as you get there.  Imagine eagerly walking through the gates on your first day of uni and immediately feeling as though the place isn’t for you.  It may be the best university for your degree, but that won’t mean much if you dread the thought of going to uni every day.  Open days are a great way to have a walk around and get a feel for the place before you lock in your choice.

#4 – Tours

There’s no better way to find out what facilities a university has to offer than by taking a tour of it.  You can find out where the gym is, the library, the accommodation, the best coffee and the bookshop are all in one easy tour.  You may find out about facilities and services you didn’t even know the university offered!

Furthermore, if the university accommodation is located away from the university campus, shuttle buses will usually be run.  A friendly resident will give you a tour of the university’s accommodation and some inside info!

#5 – Clubs and Societies

Most clubs and societies run events on Open Day – it’s a great way to get involved early in something that interests you with like-minded students.  If you sign up, you’ll be kept in the loop  about events that are being run in O-Week.

#6 – Free stuff

Need a new drink bottle or frisbee?  You’ll be able to get one at Open Day!

Don’t forget about Open Day.  It’s an invaluable resource when picking your university and a unique opportunity to “try before you buy”.

Most importantly, ask plenty of questions (no matter how silly they seem) and see as much as possible!

However, it is not only members of the older generation who have difficulty understanding these so-called ‘initialisms’; the use of slang in everyday language seems to be increasing, and many people are being left in the dust.

And so I offer a solution, in the form of this handy-dandy summarisation of some of the most commonly-used acronyms and jargon that frequent our text messages, emails and (God forbid) our conversations. We will then explore instances when this slang should be avoided, with a summary of the message-etiquette that should be observed at university.

Initialisms:

OMG: Oh my God; Oh my goodness. An expression of amazement or excitement.

WTF: What the f—k. A somewhat more crude expression of amazement or excitement.

FTW: For the win. Support for something great. (Not to be confused with WTF.)

LOL: Laugh(ing) out loud. An indication of humour. (Note: Do not use ‘LOL’ in speech. Please, just laugh like a normal person.)

ROFL: Rolling on the floor laughing. As above.

LMAO: Laughing my arse off. As above. (Can be combined with ROFL to create an irksome colloquial word, pronounced: roff-ell-mow. Again, simply try laughing like the rest of us.)

TMI: Too much information. Often used after hearing a great deal of unnecessary data.

FYI: For your information. Often used prior to revealing a great deal of unnecessary data.

BFF: Best friends forever. An endearing (see also: annoying) term, most commonly used by young girls who are ‘besties’.

BRB: Be right back. Commonly used as a temporary sign-off for instant-messaging when one needs to leave the computer (or when one wishes to pretend that they have left the computer, but actually intend to read what the others are saying without their knowledge).

Jargon:

Muffin Top: (noun) The unsightly stomach bulge that bursts over too-tight jeans.

Couch-surfing: (verb) To sleep on the couch of one or more friends, in order to avoid paying for a motel while on holiday.

Rellies: (noun) Abbreviated from ‘relatives’, because three syllables is just too many.

Rents: (noun) Abbreviated from ‘parents’, because two syllables is still too many.

Cos/Coz: (conjunction) Abbreviated from ‘because’.

A over T: (adjective) Arse over tit (see also: head over heels). To fall over.

Nom: (interjection) Sound made when eating (as indicated by the Cookie Monster).

Ninj: (verb) To participate in activities with notable ninja-like stealth. (e.g. I ninjed out of that room without anyone noticing.)

Soz: (adjective) Abbreviated from ‘sorry’.

Squee: (interjection) A sound of uncontrollable excitement and insanity (often directed at something of little importance).

Yes, gentle reader; it seems the English language is doomed to someday consist of more acronyms than a World of Warcraft Chatroom. Certainly, there is no criticism for the occasional ‘initialism’ appearing in a friendly text message; however, we must not forget about the audience of our writing.

By the time you reach university, it will expected of you to be capable of speaking and writing with some amount of fluency; this includes maintaining polite conversations, writing eloquent essays, and sending messages to lecturers in a sophisticated manner (see also: without initialisms, slang, jargon and unintelligible series of letters and symbols).

In the words of comedian Jason Mustian: “LOL” & “OMG” Added to Oxford English Dictionary. Shakespeare Rumored to be “RO” in His Grave.

So, when writing messages to your lecturers and tutors, or when posting comments on your university’s online comment board, ensure that you maintain the expected level of online etiquette (or ‘netiquette’) by following these simple rules:

When in doubt, choose a formal style:

Various professors will be open to an entirely informal relationship with their students, and will encourage you to refer to them by their first name, call them on their personal phone, and otherwise invite you to form a friendly bond with them. However, in situations where you are uncertain of what your lecturer’s personal style is (such as when studying via distance education), err on the side of formality. This can include using their full title (e.g. ‘Professor Smith’ instead of ‘John’) and concluding your messages with a professional sign-off (e.g. ‘Sincerely, Jane Citizen’). This will certify that your lecturers and tutors are not offended by use of colloquial language in what may be considered a professional situation.

Use a salutation:

This is a polite technique that you should try to employ at all times. It is the simple matter of opening your messages with a greeting, such as (depending on your lecturer’s level of formality, or whether the message is for a fellow student) ‘Dear sir’, ‘To madam’, ‘Hello Mr Brown’, ‘Good afternoon Bob’, etc. Using such salutations is an easy way to demonstrate a well-mannered and friendly tone for your writing.

Make good use of the Subject line:

Believe it or not, your lecturers and tutors are busy people; they receive no end of messages from their students, so they will be grateful if you use a clear and concise sentence in the Subject line of your message. This will enable them to immediately see whether the content of your message is of an urgent matter, or whether it needs to be forwarded to someone else, etc.

Finally – avoid text message slang!:

This mostly speaks for itself; your communication with peers may sometimes include certain initialims or jargon, but, as stated above, treat your professors with a degree of formality. This means no internet acronyms, no indecipherable slang terms, and no inappropriate language. (However, I should note that I know of several professors who encourage the occasional use of a sideways-smiley-face, just to brighten the reader’s day!)

If you would like to revise the basic guidelines for your university-level communications, head over to http://www.ict.griffith.edu.au/~davidt/email_etiquette.htm or have a chat with your lecturers; they will always be happy to help.

Remember your manners, dear reader, and you will be fine. LOL. (:

Need more definitions of initialisms and internet jargon
(or simply want to have a good laugh)? Then have a look at:
Online Slang Dictionary
Urban Dictionary
Uncyclopedia)

Having backpacked so far for a solid six months, I have pared down my bag to the bare essentials. I’ll admit, I started with a lot of crap – like post-it notes. What exactly was I going to stick them to? I know that, as you pack for your travels, you will still take stuff you don’t need – but paring down the excess as you go is all part of the experience. Though do not go so far as to chuck out your driver’s licence and back up Visa card, as I stupidly did in Spain.

Here is a list of things to definitely stuff into your luggage, but first a small tip:

Tools of the trade:

Lightweight laundry bags: these are great for keeping your clothing organised: they weigh nothing, double as laundry bags, and most importantly, don’t rustle like plastic ones do.

Small cable lock: You can get these thin lengths of plastic-covered cable from two-dollar stores. They are great for attaching your bag to something solid if you are on a train, or if don’t trust your hostel.

Universal adaptor: countries are strange, and you never know when you’ll come across a strange plug, or a strange insertion point. Carry around a universal adaptor (an all-in-one one, not multiples), and you will be sure to have electricity wherever you go.

Universal sink plug: so you can wash your clothes with ease. You can buy them from two-dollar stores.

Sewing kit: having worn the same pair of jeans for four months, they were in serious need of repair. My sewing kit, and patches from an old jumper, combined to save the life of my poor jeans for another few months.

Small torch: Buy a wind up one to save the planet. This will let you find things in the dark and read at night.

Silk sleeping bag liner: There is no need to get fancy here with mozzie/bed-bug-proof chemicals. If the bugs are there, they will get you regardless. A $10 liner off Ebay is all you need. A liner will give you your own sleeping space – especially nice if you end up somewhere a bit grotty. Do not get cotton, as those ones are really heavy. Also, get one you can just chuck in the washing machine.

Thongs: a pair of thongs is great for communal showers. Remember to call them flipflops as soon as you get out of Australia, or else you’ll travel the world talking about your knickers.

Athlete’s foot cream: you never get away from athlete’s foot, ever. Get into the habit of applying the cream day and night before you go, so you get ahead of the icky fungus.

Swiss army knife: unnecessary, really, but I like it. The most useful sections are scissors and bottle opener. Do not take one along if you are just taking carry-on luggage.

Travel towels: get two large or extra-large towels (one for the body, one for the hair). They are tiny, light weight, and double as beach towels or thin rugs when necessary. Also, the smaller something is, the less it can smell of mildew…

Tools of the Trade

Technology:

Unlocked phone: find an old phone in a drawer somewhere, or buy the cheapest you can find. Say if you are going from Australia to the UK, you would definitely put a UK sim in your phone, because Australian roaming charges are evil. However, if travelling from the UK to elsewhere in Europe, changing sims is not really necessary if you are moving through different countries regularly. Roaming charges are pretty much non-existent in Europe, as everyone moves around so much. I have been using the same 10 pounds for three months now. Plus these old-school phones come with games like “snake” and “copter”. Nostalgia is sweet.

Netbook computer: This is dependent on where you are travelling and for how long you are away from home. It is difficult to travel anywhere these days without the internet, as plane, train and bus tickets, as well as hostels and some attractions, are all booked online. This will provide you with something extra to worry about though, so you have to tally up the risks with the benefits.

Ipod: there is a lot of waiting involved in backpacking – at train stations, for buses, in airports. An ipod is a must, because books are heavy and difficult to find in English outside of English-speaking areas.

International Student Card: These can be bought from STA travel agents or Student Flight centres (Student Flights is half the price of STA travel). A cheaper option is to get one made somewhere in South-East Asia or India. Make sure the information is printed, rather than hand-written. Also, get one with a magnetic strip on the back; sometimes the cards do not look very official, but a magnetic strip generally does the trick, even though it is useless.

Things you don’t need:

A backpack: A small, light, wheeled suitcase is, in fact, much more practical than the traditional backpack. Backpacks were brilliant way back when suitcases weighed as much as a small horse. Now they just send you home with back problems. Unless you are off somewhere exotic or mountainous, a serious backpack is overkill. Suitcases don’t look as cool though.

Guidebooks: heavy wastes of space. A better idea is to google places as you arrive, ask at local information desks, and pick up free maps from stations and airports. Also, if you pull out a guidebook, you will look like a tourist, not like a traveller. If you are desperate you can always have a read of someone else’s. Rough Guides provide their entire collection online for free, and I know there is a popular Lonely Planet torrent floating around out there.

Pyjamas: a pair of boxers/leggings and a tank top will do. There is no need to waste space in your pack with things you only wear at night.

Hairdryer/straightener: many hostels provide hairdryers. Other girls will provide the straighteners if you can’t live without one.

Guilt: you cannot see everything a place has to offer, especially if you have no money. Don’t visit something just because it is what people do; if you don’t like impressionist art, don’t pay to enter the Musee D’Orsay. Drop the touristic guilt and you won’t waste time seeing things you have no interest in.

Winter clothes: if you start travelling in summer, take summer clothes. Even if you think “I’ll take it now so I won’t have to buy it later”, you will buy things on your trip. Carrying around a big coat, waiting for the frost to start is silly. Buy on road, and you get a souvenir to boot.